CAN OPEN: WORMS EVERYWHERE!

Ready? Today's topic: The Shelf-Life of Matrimony

I am not anti-marriage (really, I'm not). Let's just get that out of the way right now. I AM against people rushing into what is supposed to be a life-long commitment. I am talking about getting married too early in life. A personal situation has yet again reinforced my position on the issue, and I just have to have my say.

Let's look at this rationally, shall we? Marriage is supposed to be an institution to which one needs to be committed (sounds a bit like a mental hospital to me --nyuck nyuck nyuck). But seriously. Why are people choosing to tie that knot so young, with very little life experience? Think back to when you were 21. Are you the same person? My guess is, likely not. If you say that you are, you're either lying, very boring, or should be calling The Guinness Book of Records. I know that I am not the same person from even the age of 25 -and that is only 5 short years ago. Had I married then, we'd be in serious trouble now -no joke. I have changed drastically since then. How can one possibly determine what he or she wants for the rest of his/her life, with little to no real life experience? When you are 18, it is downright foolish to believe that you will be the same person at 50. Sure, we all think that we know what we want, but when it comes down to it, people really do change -it's not just a cliche! Here is where controversy is going to slip in...

'Till Death Do Us Part. Hmmm. An interesting concept. Sure, I can see that being the case when the life expectancy was only 50 years of age. You get married at 21, and spend 29 years together until one of you expires -and even THAT is pushing it. But was marriage really designed to last a modern lifetime? We have people living well into their 90s now. Can you honestly tell me that someone who gets married at 19 -who still has so much to learn, see, and do, can make a 70-year commitment? Of course not. Now before you start waving your finger in what you may call my "cynical" face, stop and think about it. You can't tell me that your tastes haven't changed in the last 20 years in at least one area --food, music, fashion, politics, religion, etc. We are not static beings -that's the beauty of our humanity... we are ever-evolving creatures (I don't necessarily mean in that Darwinesque way, but spiritually, emotionally, socially, & psychologically). As far as I'm concerned, it is absurd to expect 2 people who met as children to stay in a partnership for a lifetime.

Now I'm not suggesting that people stop getting hitched. That's not my goal at all. What I am suggesting is that people WAIT until they are somewhat established in life before choosing a partner with whom to share the journey. Why not wait until you have a career and a solid emotional/social/psychological foundation? Have a good understanding of your own belief and value systems before you seek a partner. There is nothing worse than making a life-long commitment with someone with whom you were once compatible, only to find that one of you changed drastically as you grew further into adulthood. And people wonder why couples seem to "grow apart". Well, it's because they collaborated before they were done growing. Find your path first, then look for a ride-along partner: someone who is traveling the same road. What's the rush?

Perhaps we should look at marriage the way that we look at cars or homes. You have a starter home? Maybe in this day and age, we need "starter marriages". Perhaps we should have a different partner for each phase of our lives? If you want to get married young, perhaps a lease could be created -you know, 10 years with an option to buy later? See how it goes? Let's say there is one partner for ages 20-40ish. If things are compatible by 40 you could have the option to renew. If not, out you go and find someone more compatible for that stage of your life: 40-65ish. After 65, maybe there is someone else more your "speed"? Hmmm...

OR.... why not just play it solo for a while and see how it goes? Why make "marriage" a life goal when you are 10 years old? Society does pressure us to couple (a rant for another day...), but isn't it better to be prepared before going in? Would you go camping with no back-pack/supplies? Would you take a vacation with no money? Would you go on a road-trip without studying MapQuest? Sure, you may do these things -but whose success rate would be better? The fly-by-night, see how it goes person, or the person fully prepared for the adventure? I'm going to be 31 in a few months and I STILL don't think I would be ready at this point to legally bind myself to another human being. I'm not done being "Laurie" yet. Maybe someday, I suppose.

Something to think about....

UPDATE ON SEPT 28

Well, it turns out that this was the exact topic of conversation on 103.1 Fresh FM earlier in the week. I didn't hear the segment, only the brief mention of the previous conversation, this morning during the show. I have no idea what Mindy (of D, Mindy and Gord) said... so if this sounds like a regurgitation, sorry... I have no idea what her view was -only that she was discussing "starter marriages". Hmmm.. maybe we're on to something here...

Also --September 29th's "Live At 5" had Fresh FM's, Jeff Kelly discussing the most recent COSMO magazine with its editor. The leading caption on the cover: "Marriage By 30 Or Bust!" Good grief.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Is the face of marriage changing? If so, is it appropriate for it to evolve to meet the needs of a modern society?