DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU!

Another oldie but goodie:
Recently, a personal situation has prompted me to evaluate my personal relationships, and the people in my life. I got to thinking, "what if I were a corporation?" I would need to conduct evaluations of my "employees", and assess whether or not they are a good fit for my company. Would "Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc." keep certain people employed? Would I need to terminate anyone based on performance reviews? My reflection resulted in some surprises, but for the most part, the results were predictable. The following would be a "rejection letter" to those whose services are no longer required. Keep in mind, all rights are reserved:


LAURIE C. SCHULTZ & AFFILIATES, INC.



To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for your interest in potential cordial relations with Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. Unfortunately, we have found you to have insufficient qualifications, and therefore, we are unable to accommodate your request for friendship. In light of recent events, you are in breech of contract, making your offer null and void. In accordance with the implied terms and conditions of your probation, you have failed to satisfy the requirements, thus terminating your current status. In short, your services are no longer required.

We here at Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. adjudicate all applicants in a fair and reasonable manner, evaluating candidates with the utmost leniency and compassion. In the interest of integrity, we conduct frequent evaluations of all potential and current friends of Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. We have limited space, with room for only the truly qualified candidates. To be fair to future applicants, we request that you discontinue applying for this position, as you have been coded “non-re-hirable”.

We appreciate your interest, and wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.



Sincerely,



Laurie C. Schultz, B.Ed., BA., E.C.E.
CEO, President, & Human Resources Manager,
Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc.


HAVE YOUR SAY: Have you ever had to fire a friend? If so, how did you do it? If not, and you really wanted to, what stopped you?