MINISTRY OF TRANSPORTATION CONSPIRACY??

So... the other day, my friend and I were travelling in the right-hand lane down Western Road, when the car beside me decided to enter my lane. Of course the driver didn't check to see if anyone was actually occupying my lane, she just went ahead and tried to do the merge. After a slam of the brakes and pound on the horn, the woman's passenger pointed to the Laurnado (my car), at which time she abruptly altered her plans for a lane change, and pulled back into her designated area -a near miss. As she sped up and passed me, it became clear that she was elderly, as was her passenger. The blue hair was a clear confirmation -as was the poppy symbol on her license plate, indicating "Veteran" status.

Now, I am all for elderly people maintaining a driver's license -as long as they can continue to handle the rules, regulations and responsibility of the road... That applies to ALL age groups as far as I'm concerned, but especially the elderly. However, it is not an ageist bias I have... I am simply reacting to nature's inevitable cruelty. As we age, our reflexes are slowed, our vision and hearing become less acute, and our overall functioning level becomes generally less efficient. That's not a judgement, it's a scientific fact. That, mixed with the already-present dangers of the mean streets, does not a party make!

This is why I agreed with my friend when she suggested the possibility of a Government conspiracy concerning the whole "Veteran" license plate thing. On the surface, it seems like a wonderful way to honour those who fought for our freedom in the Great Wars, however, what what lies beneath? Could there be an ulterior motive? We already know the dangers of elderly folks on the road, yet we also know that we live in an era where we do not "discriminate" based on Age, Sex, Race, Creed, Orientation, or what have you. The Government can not justify putting a big sticker on the plates of a car to indicate that an elderly person is behind the wheel - as a signal to law enforcement and other motorists. No... that would be ageist discrimination, and the Charter would have none of it! But what a wonderful, even if slightly underhanded, way to warn fellow travellers of an octogenarian motorist -- honour them by using a standard, recognizable symbol! That way, they get the recognition they deserve, and those of us who share the road can have ample warning... and no one is offended. Two birds; one stone. Ahh, the True North, Strong and Free.

HAVE YOUR SAY: Should there be mandatory driving tests for people once they reach a certain age?

HEY YOU! GET OFF MY LAWN!

One can always tell when an election is around the corner. Aside from unsolicited phone calls and front-door visits from political candidates and their henchmen, it is the time when the political propaganda eye-sores begin springing up on lawns across the province. Don't get me wrong, everyone has the right to voice their support (albeit visually) on their own property. My issue, however, is in regards to what boils down to political litter on public property. I can't even count the number of times I have driven by a vacant lot, mall boulevard, or business, only to be greeted with what seems like dozens of competing parties' visual "pick me" posters. It looks like government sanctioned graffiti just randomly strewn around the city. It's almost like the candidates feel that if, on the side of the road, their signs outnumber those of the next guy, people are just stupid enough to switch their vote. "Uh, duh... that there guy done got himself 3 more signs than that there other guy. We'd best vote for him then". That must be the strategy. I see no other reason for the powers that be to allow such pointless clutter to litter our streets. In actual fact, the more signs I see randomly scattered about like pollen in the spring, the less likely I am to vote for that party. It seems logical to me: the more crap a party distributes around town, the less I want that group to run the place. Think about it another way: here we are, responsible adults, reprimanding teens for vandalizing public property. In essence, we are telling them that a) what they may have to say does not matter (aka-nobody cares what your opinion is) and b) it is wrong to defile public property. Hmmm. Yet every time there is an election, politicians and their representatives engage in the very activity that we are constantly deeming as inappropriate. Their signs litter the streets and roadways. Everywhere you look there is visual political bombardment that is no less unappealing than the teenage "artwork" painted on train cars and underpasses. Guess what: nobody cares about your opinion, and it is wrong to defile public property! Hmmm... now where have we heard THAT before....

HAVE YOUR SAY: Is there anything in and around your city (be it temporary or permanent) that you find to be an "eye sore" and wish someone would just do away with it?

DON'T CALL US, WE'LL CALL YOU!

Another oldie but goodie:
Recently, a personal situation has prompted me to evaluate my personal relationships, and the people in my life. I got to thinking, "what if I were a corporation?" I would need to conduct evaluations of my "employees", and assess whether or not they are a good fit for my company. Would "Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc." keep certain people employed? Would I need to terminate anyone based on performance reviews? My reflection resulted in some surprises, but for the most part, the results were predictable. The following would be a "rejection letter" to those whose services are no longer required. Keep in mind, all rights are reserved:


LAURIE C. SCHULTZ & AFFILIATES, INC.



To Whom It May Concern:

Thank you for your interest in potential cordial relations with Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. Unfortunately, we have found you to have insufficient qualifications, and therefore, we are unable to accommodate your request for friendship. In light of recent events, you are in breech of contract, making your offer null and void. In accordance with the implied terms and conditions of your probation, you have failed to satisfy the requirements, thus terminating your current status. In short, your services are no longer required.

We here at Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. adjudicate all applicants in a fair and reasonable manner, evaluating candidates with the utmost leniency and compassion. In the interest of integrity, we conduct frequent evaluations of all potential and current friends of Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc. We have limited space, with room for only the truly qualified candidates. To be fair to future applicants, we request that you discontinue applying for this position, as you have been coded “non-re-hirable”.

We appreciate your interest, and wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.



Sincerely,



Laurie C. Schultz, B.Ed., BA., E.C.E.
CEO, President, & Human Resources Manager,
Laurie C. Schultz & Affiliates, Inc.


HAVE YOUR SAY: Have you ever had to fire a friend? If so, how did you do it? If not, and you really wanted to, what stopped you?

Poke The Sleeping Bear

That's right. I have been called a "bear-poker". No, I don't have a death-wish, but it could be argued that I don't leave well-enough alone. Well, that's because whatever it is, isn't really considered "well-enough" in my books. (Apparently I have books.). Nothing bothers me more than injustice. Whether it be through ignorance or an envelope-pushing powertrip by those in a position of privilege and control, when there is an imbalance of power, someone is likely to get the short end of the proverbial stick. I often find myself using that very stick to poke that slumbering giant, who many would rather tip-toe around, as to not disturb him and arouse a potential fury. Bring it. My new business card could read, "Laurie C. Schultz, Bear-Poking, Pot-Stirring, Boat-Rocking, Feather Ruffler". Guilty as charged, I suppose. Sometimes we have to look to the philosophical genius of the great Kenny Rogers. Sometimes we gotta "know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em". I will even go as far as to submit the idea of knowing when to call a potential bluff. Sometimes we need to lay all the cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. All cliches aside, I believe that one must stand up for him or herself. Sometimes one needs to stand up for someone else, too -because it's the right thing to do, and face whatever consequences arise. You see, people who hold power and privilege get used to doing things a certain way, and many times refuse to relinquish some of that control, even though it may be the right thing to do. That's when his/her hand needs to be forced. Far too often, many of us are so used to getting the short end of the stick, we decide to lay down and just take whatever may be coming. One must remember, however: the path of least resistance is the quickest route to soul-stripping subordination! The bottom line is, we are all responsible for the power dynamics in which we find ourselves. I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that we teach people how to treat us. She said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Oh, how true. Establish boundaries and stick to them. No one really wants to put the welcome mat on their back, but once it is there, you'd be surprised at how many people would show up to that open-house. Don't be a door-mat. Set the wrong precident and you could spend a life-time getting walked on. Don't let me fool you into a false sense of high-horse euphoria. Stepping out in defense of yourself or of another can have dire consequences. One must be prepared for the worst, after all, the right thing to do and the easy thing to do are often two different things. I have forfeited a few things in my life because I could not simultaneously achieve or maintain them AND take the high road, so, sometimes I lost out -but at least I was able to smile at the face that stared back at me from the mirror. It's easy to let that bear sleep. Sometimes, however, you need to be a human alarm clock. A good bear-poke is good for the soul but don't forget to wear your armour. HAVE YOUR SAY: When have you chosen the "right" thing over the "easy" thing. If you haven't done so, what stopped you?